this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
