Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
