i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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