i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
