you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
