Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
