he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
