im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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