Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
