college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
