You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
