you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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