apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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