I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
