But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
