one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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