He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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