Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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