I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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