Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
