never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
