We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
