hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
