R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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