I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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