How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
