I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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