Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
