please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Me too!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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