Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
