Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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