is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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