Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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