mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
