nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
