And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
