come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
