Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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