Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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