You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
