Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
