I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
