i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
