everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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