im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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