im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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