I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
