I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
