Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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