I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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