I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
