do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
