The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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