Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
