i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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